I wrote this months ago when I was still in a relationship and obviously battling some realities about being a couple. I couldn’t bring myself to post this when I wrote it, but I was pleased with the sincerity. This may only resonate with a few. To those folks, enjoy, and I get you.
Joyce Vaughn
There’s that question again, “and what’s your relationship to him?” This time, I answered with a playful “partner.” At thirty-eight years old, there was no need for my lips to utter the word girlfriend in this setting. Today wasn’t the day to get into it.
I didn’t expect to be here. I am thirty-eight, and soon I’ll tack on another year. I’m grateful for this, but I’m also terribly baffled by my current marital status. That is, I’m always checking the “single” or “divorced” box on forms.
This simply isn’t where I planned to be, nor do I want to be here.
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m grateful for all the relationships and things that I have. I also feel a great sense of defeat for having to pursue a career and random side quests because the prospects for marriage and children have eluded me. Is it somewhat my fault? Probably. I had plans to move to a city or country with more eligible men. I scrapped that, though, because something came along.
And here I am. In a doctor’s office, responding to the age-old question: “And what’s your relationship to him?” There’s usually no box for partner or girlfriend on those forms. I say partner and sign my name, a small reminder that I’m not where I want to be.
May we all find hope in knowing that we still have the desire for good things.