Last month, (April), we identified family lies (secrets), why are they secrets and this article will attempt to give expectations after they are ‘out of the closet’ with tidbits on how to handle them.
Ask yourself if there are any secrets you’re keeping. You can be a person of
integrity__live truthfully and not repeat the family cycle;
REMEMBER, there’s a difference between appropriate privacy
and harmful secret__keeping
(1) CONFIDENTIAL INFO: When the people who need to know do, and others rightly don’t.
(2) SECRETS of WHEN the people who need to know, don’t.
(3) GOSSIP: When the people who don’t need to know_do.
Secret matters have shared attachments to the private matters which do not. Secrets usually go to the heart of someone else’s rights to know the information. It’s about them, or something that affects their well-being, or about their trust. Family members often believe they are keeping a secret to save someone else from the pain of knowing it. ‘IF’ you’re holding onto a secret you should tell, here are a few tips for how to do it without being stunned for life!!
(1) PICK YOUR MOMENT (not on a holiday, after a funeral, birth, wedding)!
(2) PICK YOUR PERSON (ONE PERSON)… Start with disclosing it to the person most affected by the secret and then allow that person to decide IF and WHEN to widen that circle.
(3) GET SOME SUFFORT (A family/professional therapist).
(4) BE PREPARED FOR REPERCUSSIONS ( Steady yourself for the anger that might come and know that with patience and openness comes healing–in time).
(5) KEEP THE INFO CLOSE (There is a difference between disclosing a secret to those who should know it, and blabbling about it on Facebook; once a secret is told in a family then it becomes private).
(2) PICK YOUR PERSON (ONE PERSON)… Start with disclosing it to the person most affected by the secret and then allow that person to decide IF and WHEN to widen that circle.
(3) GET SOME SUFFORT (A family/professional therapist).
(4) BE PREPARED FOR REPERCUSSIONS ( Steady yourself for the anger that might come and know that with patience and openness comes healing–in time).
(5) KEEP THE INFO CLOSE (There is a difference between disclosing a secret to those who should know it, and blabbling about it on Facebook; once a secret is told in a family then it becomes private).
DON’T RUN AWAY FROM THE TOUGH STUFF:
Fight the temptation to turn away from the ‘mess’. What seems beyond fixing has become part of ‘your story’___WANTED or NOT. Don’t let chaos and confusion threaten your healing.
PRESS IN TRUTH and CHOOSE H O P E!!
REMEMBER, you’re not defined by other people’s with this advice. We will address next month (June) on a ‘spirituality…the ultimate source for going forward on a ‘higher ground’.
(Hint: ‘DON’T GIVE UP ON THE POSSIBILITY OF RECONCILIATION.)
Brenda M. Jelks-Hutchinson
A ‘seasoned child of GOD
…still growing in HIS WORD with humble beginnings and a grateful
heart..TBC