Fortunately, as a child, I always felt safe at home, school, church; however, in this day and time with widespread chaos in our country, world, many children, adults aren’t, and certainly our children aren’t either!!! I don’t know all the answers to avoid these emotional/deadly daily threats to us personally so as a retired school teacher and thinking about our ‘fire/tornado drills’ and a (FEW) times in my adult life of situations where I (we) did feel threatened with danger such as having to lock the school doors and even lock ups in church to have a sense of safety….this is my reason to address some ‘tidbits’ with my newspaper’s article. So, with the aid of a few of my personal friends in the field of psychology, I hope and pray that some of these ‘do and don’ts’ will ease or even eliminate our fears, and we can get back to ‘Normalcy’ with
( GOD’s help, grace, mercy, and love). AMEN.
All of us are aware of the ICE situation, and we also know it isn’t only targeted toward immigrants.
Let’s start with some practical aspects pertaining to protecting ‘OUR’ children and give age-level conversational ideas to their comprehension…
- BE HONEST
Tell the truth in a way your child can understand. Speak differently to a 5-year-old than to a 15-year-old, BUT…HONESTY BUILDS TRUST.
- OFFER CONSTANT REASSURANCE
Kids want to feel like they are safe and that you, as an adult, are going to do everything you can to keep them safe.
- ASK OPEN QUESTIONS
It is ‘critical’ for parents to always ask, “How can I best support you/What do you need from me?”
- MODEL CALMNESS
Practice deep breathing or counting together; show calm body language so kids mirror your regulation.
- CREATE A FAMILY PREPAREDNESS PLAN
Decide in advance what to do if ‘ICE’ shows up; Establish a safe place kids can go to and rehearse it.
- ENCOURAGE EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
It’s okay to be tearful/anxious/upset. Normalize feelings / let kids know it’s okay to feel sad/to cry.
- BALANCE MEDIA EXPOSURE
Limit exposure to nonstop news/social media; Take breaks and Reconnect when needed.
- WATCH FOR WARNING SIGNS
Emotional–Nightmares/Sadnesses
Behavioral–Avoiding school; changes in eating
Physical–Headaches/stomachaches
Cognitive–Trouble focusing/Forgetfulness
NOTE: ‘IF’ these signs are short-term, reassure your child with calmness, provide routine and emotional support. If symptoms continue for more than a couple of weeks or get worse, reach out for help- (a teacher, pastor, trusted neighbor OR a mental health professional.
- CREATE A SUPPORT SYSTEM
Connect with trauma/inform organizations like ‘WELLNESS’, and other professional support networks for mental/physical health.
As adults, we have to check ourselves too, so our energy isn’t bleeding out in a way that causes more stress for our kids. It’s okay to be vulnerable and ask for help.
WHAT TO SAY TO KIDS ABOUT ‘ICE’
Start the conversation (“What do you know about ICE? This gives you insight into what they’ve heard or seen. If they say “I don’t know,” you can gently explain:
“ICE” is a government group that checks if people are following immigration laws.
AGES 3-6
“Some families are being treated unfairly because of where they were born. You’re safe, and I’m here with you.”
*KEEP it SIMPLE and COMFORTING.
*PROVIDE EXTRA HUGS, REASSURANCE, and ROUTINES.
AGES 7-11
“Some families are being separated because of how they came to the U.S. Even kids are getting hurt, and that’s not okay.
*BE HONEST WITHOUT OVERWHELMING
AGES 12-18
“It’s not right for people to be treated unfairly because of where they’re from. This hurts kids and families.”
*ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR AWARENESS.
*ENCOURAGE HEALTHY WAYS TO PROCESS (writing, talking, art, advocacy)
WHAT NOT TO SAY
* Don’t worry about it. This statement dismisses their feelings.
* That won’t happen to us.
This statement creates false reassurance.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD
*You’re not alone in this. People are trying to help, and I’m one of them. If you ever feel scared, we can talk about it together.
Brenda Jelks Hutchinson
A CHILD of GOD, who desires the best for ALL.